So I've started working on an idea for a novel...hard to tell where it will go. Trying to ignore the fear of "nothing I write is good enough".

Alien Armageddon

My daughter and I rented "Alien Armageddon" from Redbox just for something to watch on Saturday. I think we watched a total of 10 minutes before we turned it off. Bad acting, choppy story line, bad special effects. They'd introduce a character just to kill them off 2 minutes later.

And if it's taking place in LA, why did the main characters all seem to have British accents?

I think my daughter summed it up best: "Dad, the movie with the giant plastic mosquitos was better than this."

Everything intertwines

This won’t come as a surprise to black belts but it’s amazing how everything you learn ties in to everything else. Last night my instructor in Tang Soo Do was showing us to open our hands in response to an attack, making use of the body’s natural “flinch” response. Opening your hands in response to an attack, or a wrist grab, is exactly what the master instructor has been teaching us in Hapkido class on Saturdays. But all martial arts seem to be intertwined. When I studied fencing (foil and saber, not Japanese fencing) they stressed only parrying (blocking) far enough so that your opponent’s blade would just slide past you, just like they teach us in class about blocking punches and kicks. And that your riposte (return attack) should immediately follow your parry – so that the entire action becomes one motion – parry riposte, not parry and riposte - just like in our classes when they tell us that our block should flow smoothly into our attack, as if they were one motion.

On the passage of time

When you're young you think the universe will never move on. Things may change, at least a little, but not a lot. But one day you realize that the world has moved on, to quote Stephen King. You have, somehow, grown older. The things you remember are changed or gone. People you thought would always be around aren't because they've died, or you've quietly moved on to separate lives.

It brings home that the only moment we have is now. Yesterday is gone, and you can't go back no matter how many movies they make of people doing so. And the future might only be a moment away, but you don't know if you'll see that next moment or not. Or what might change before you do.

All you can do is make use of now.

“And Then the Blood Sucking Aliens Came Down From Outer Space”

The trials and tribulations of raising imaginative children


Don’t get me wrong. I think all children are imaginative. I think having a father who watches cartoons with you, makes up songs and stories to entertain you tends to encourage it even more. Of course, letting them watch monster movies with me, and the sci-fi channel late at night, probably doesn’t encourage that much in the way restrained imagination.

Still, I do try. Once when we were driving to the airport with the Barbie dolls exhibiting amazing super powers while fighting off various monsters I kept getting suspicious looks from my sister-in-law. Finally, in the hopes of restoring at least part of my reputation as a parent, I said “Girls, can’t you have your Barbie’s do something a little more reasonable?”

There were complaints from the back seat in the van, but their game resumed with their dolls going on a drive to the beach for a picnic. My sister-in-law smiled as the descriptions of swimming in the surf and setting up for a day in sun floated forward. I relaxed a little and eased back in my seat in the hopes that the rest of the trip to the Atlanta airport would pass without incident.

Several minutes passed as the dolls swam and tanned on their beach in the back seat. The boy dolls, who were all headless for reasons I don’t even want to go into, were riding in the boat while the girls tried to teach them how to drive a jet ski. Then it happened, just as the boys were pulling the boat up on the “beach” and the girls had reluctantly allowed them to try the Jet Ski. The boys went over their first waves, and I heard a phrase come from the back seat that made me sink down into my seat.

“Ken turns back toward the beach to wave at the popular girls and then the blood sucking aliens come down from outer space and eat his brain.”

“Right!” chimes in my other daughter. “So the popular girls slip into their super suits and race to save the boys from the aliens.”

I glanced over to where my sister-in-law was looking at me.

“So, what was that movie you had them watching last night?”

I sighed. So much for a quiet trip. “Alien Resurrection.”

She nodded, as the descriptions of blood shed and gore continued from the back seat. The boys had been rescued, except for poor Ken whose brain was irretrievably consumed, and the girls were clearly decimating the aliens. They had apparently picked the wrong beach to try to harvest from.

“And that movie on Saturday?”

“Something about giant mosquitoes. The girls thought it was hilarious because it was so obvious that they were made of plastic. After all, their wings didn’t even move.”

This time the sighs were from the passenger seat as I tried to smile a little.

“And the cartoon this morning?”

“The Power Puff Girls? Oh, come on. They’re the good guys, they always pick up their room, they’re always in bed on time and they mind their father.”


“Right. When they’re not beating up villains?”

“Exactly,” I said, sparing a glance from the traffic. She was smiling, but the smile wasn’t exactly warm. Not quite a blood sucking alien, but something about it reminded me of the last Jacques Cousteau special I had seen.

“What was it you wouldn’t let them watch?”

“The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. You have to draw the line somewhere.”

“I love that show, Dad. Can’t I watch it when we get home?” came a helpful voice from the back seat.

Don’t get me wrong: I’m all for limiting what and how much television children watch. And there are things that I DON’T let them watch because of the pointless violence, or because I can’t see any redeeming value in it. At the same time, I realize that they find things funny that I don’t. Let’s face it, eight-year olds find farting and burping hilarious. I don’t know that many adults that do.

There have been shows that I saw good values in that my children thought were hilarious that other people, including my wife, thought were horrible or disgusting. One that comes to mind is “Courage the Cowardly Dog”. His skin regularly comes off, his teeth have holes in them, and numbers of disgusting and impossible things happen. But, and to me this is important, Courage is an absolute coward, but he’s willing to endure any hardship, face any danger, if his owner Muriel is in danger because of his love for her. My children might be laughing, and it might be disgusting, but they’re learning that someone would set aside their fears to protect the ones they love.

When they play I encourage them to use their imagination as much as possible. I remember being a child and having my two-gun holster belt strapped around my chest because I was using it for an air tank, and I was joining Lloyd Bridges in exploring the world of the sea. It’s regular for my daughter’s to be princesses or doctors or scientists or any number of other things, just as my son was a race car driver, a wizard and so forth. I think that by encouraging them to imagine what they could be and to pretend to do things that I know are impossible (like walking barefoot on the moon) they’re willing to explore more options when it comes to solving problems.

Okay, blood sucking aliens might be over the top but they enjoy themselves. And the older they’ve gotten the fewer alien attacks there have been. Now the dolls tend toward trips to the mall, school, dances, and parties. But they’re still having fun.

The Original Techie Gospel - The Techie Prayer

Lord, let my arms never grow weary of carrying or pulling on ropes. Let my lights always work, and my sounds always be clear. Let my props always be placed, and my set always be prepared. Let me now miss my cues, nor be caught onstage when the lights come up. Keep my hemp always strong and fresh, and my borders always in trim. And when this play of life at last finishes its long run, may the strike be short and swift, and the party be long and joyful.

Amen.

© 1982 Ed Bentley

The Original Techie Gospel - The Techie Psalm

The TD is my guide, I shall be informed.

She shows where my props must go, and how the stage must be set.

She tells of the setting of the lights, and checks the sounds I prepare.

Yea, though I walk through the darkness of the stage, I shall not fear, for I am a techie and I see in the dark.

My paths are prepared beforehand, the actors get not in my way. The lights stay down until I leave.

Surely I will answer all of my cues at the proper time, and I will dwell backstage forever.

© 1982 Ed Bentley

The Original Techie Gospel - Words to the Techie

Remember always that thou art a techie, born to walk the dark places of the stage, and know the secret ways of the equipment. To your hands it is given to mold the dreams and thoughts of they that watch, and to make the stage a separate place and time. Seek not, as the actors, to go forth in the light upon the stage. For though they strut and talk and put on airs, their craft does truly depend on you, to shape the dreams that they would show.

Remember also that although they depend on you, you exist only to aid them. Remember that thou art a team, and that thou shalt party together.

My friends, be not deceived by false deluding actors masquerading as techies. Remember the signs by which you shalt recognize a true techie: they prefer the darkness of the wings to the light of the stage; they move softly during scene changes, not stumbling or falling; they are silent backstage and are aware of what is happening; they can speak with knowledge of tools; they do not tap with a hammer on a nail, but strike with force to drive it; they respect one another's jobs and aid where they can, they do not just stand and watch.

© 1982 Ed Bentley

The Original Techie Gospel - Proverbs

Behold, my son, here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performing, thou shalt not be caught short. For truly, it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself, and again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.

Give not unto an actor his props before their time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the east and set in the west, he shall lose or break them.

When told the placement of props by the director, write not these things in ink upon thy script, for as surely as the winds shall blow, so shall the director change his mind.

Speak not in large words to the actors, for they are slow of thought and easily confused.

Speak not in the language of the techie to the volunteers*, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning.

Tap not on the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.

Keep sacred the Final Cue*, and let not its meaning be known to actors, for truly it is ours to know, and not to be shared with they that walk in the light on the stage.

Keep holy the first performance, for afterwords you shall party.

Keep hold the last performance, for afterwords you shall strike and party.

Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If it appears that she was, they you obviously misunderstood her the first time.

Leave not the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as surely as you do you will be in danger of missing your cue and being six-packed*, or worse.

Beware of actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark.

Always wear black during performances, that you may not be seen by they that watch.

Prepare thy props before the blackout, that you will not have to fumble for them in the dark.

Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.

Take not thy cues before their time, but wait for the proper moment to do so.

Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.

Listen carefully to the instructions of the director as to how he wants things done, then do it the right way. In the days of thy performing, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice.

And above all, do not go overboard with glow tape, or thy stage will look like an airport.

© 1982 Ed Bentley

* A few notes. Volunteers originally read 107's, which were volunteer students from the "Intro to Drama" class. Final Cue originally read Cue 30, which was a number far beyond the end of the play, and signaled time for the techies to meet for a private celebration. Being "six-packed" meant you had to bring a six pack of drinks to the strike party.

The Original Techie Gospel - Genesis

In the beginning was the Stage, and the Stage with without lights or set, and darkness was on the face of the actors. And the TD said, "Let there be lights!" And the techies worked and wired, and there were lights. Spotlights and specials, areas and back lighting, yea, lights of all shapes, sizes, and hues. And the TD saw the lights, that they were well aimed and focused, gelled according to the scene, and no more was darkness on the faces of the actors, and it was good. And the evening and the morning were the first day.

And the TD looked upon the actors, and saw that although they walked in light, they did walk on a bare stage, and had no place to be, and was moved to pity. And the TD said, "Let there be a set!" And the techies scrambled and worked, and there was a set, with platforms, wagons, and flying units, stairs and furniture of various types and sizes, each according to the need. And the actors did walk within the set, and did have a place to be. And the TD saw the set, that it was good, and evening and the morning were the second day.

And the TD saw the actors, that although they did have a place to be, they did look like fools, for they waved their hands, clutched at open air, and struck each other with nothing. And in her heart, the TD was moved to pity for the actors, as who would not be. And the TD said, "Let there be props!" And the techies worked feverishly and did buy and build, and there were props. Yea, swords and books and objects of sundry shape and size. And the actors looked no more like fools, in that they now had things for their hands to do. And the TD saw the props, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the third day.

Once more the TD looked upon the actors, and saw that they did go forth upon the set in blue jeans, and she knew that this would not do. And the TD said, "Let there be costumes!" And the techies did cut and sew and shape, and there were costumes. Each sized to the actor, according to the play, in keeping with the role. And no more did the actors go forth in blue jeans, and the TD saw the costumes, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the fourth day.

And the TD watched the play, and saw that the actors did wait in silence and was moved with pity. And the TD said, "Let there be sound!" And the techies worked and played and taped, and there were sounds. Each according to their place and cue, all at the proper level and tones. and the TD heard the sounds, that they were good, and the evening and the morning were the fifth day.

And lo, all these works were completed in five days, showing that if God had used sufficient techies in the first place, he would have finished sooner.
© 1982 Ed Bentley

The History of the Techie Gospel

This first entry is just to correct something I've seen on the internet. Some websites show the author of the Techie Gospel as "unknown". The fact is, I wrote it. In a future entry I'll post a full copy of the original version. I know that others have added to it, and created variations of it (including the UK Rock Challenge who uses a version of it in their youth theater program). As I told them, I'm not interested in royalties - I'm just trying to get its origin straight. I'm just glad so many people have enjoyed it.

In the spring of 1982, while attending Central Washington University in Ellensburg, Washington, I was working as a theater technician while going to school. By way of description, at the time I was doing rigging for them, the main stage ran a hemp line counterweight system using sandbags, and had a light board that was practically antique. Our technical director was Kathryn Hartzell, and we built all of our sets in the newly refurbished scene shop just off the main stage. We also had a black box theater on the second floor with a more modern light board.

That spring I wrote the Techie Gospel mainly as a joke, and posted it on the bulletin board in the scene shop hallway. The American College Theater Festival was at the college that spring, and a number of the technicians asked if they could get copies to take with them. I agreed and made photocopies for anyone who wanted one.

As for evidence that I wrote it, I still have the original copy that I typed up on a manual typewriter, complete with typo's and strikeovers (I wasn't a great typist). Other than that I'm still in touch with several people who were there at the time and remember me writing it and handing it out. I only happened to look it up on a whim when I decided to look up technical theater, and the one website had a humor section. Imagine my surprise at seeing it there more that 25 years later.