Behold, my son, here is wisdom. Pay heed to these words, and in the days of thy play, in the hours of thy performing, thou shalt not be caught short. For truly, it is said, pay heed to the errors of others and you shall not make them yourself, and again, as we have been told from on old, to thine own self be true.
Give not unto an actor his props before their time, for as surely as the sun does rise in the east and set in the west, he shall lose or break them.
When told the placement of props by the director, write not these things in ink upon thy script, for as surely as the winds shall blow, so shall the director change his mind.
Speak not in large words to the actors, for they are slow of thought and easily confused.
Speak not in the language of the techie to the volunteers*, for they are uninitiated, and will not perceive thy meaning.
Tap not on the head of a nail to drive it, but strike it firmly with thy strength.
Keep sacred the Final Cue*, and let not its meaning be known to actors, for truly it is ours to know, and not to be shared with they that walk in the light on the stage.
Keep holy the first performance, for afterwords you shall party.
Keep hold the last performance, for afterwords you shall strike and party.
Remember always that the TD is never wrong. If it appears that she was, they you obviously misunderstood her the first time.
Leave not the area of the stage during the play to go and talk with the actors, for as surely as you do you will be in danger of missing your cue and being six-packed*, or worse.
Beware of actors during scene changes, for they are not like unto you and are blind in the dark.
Always wear black during performances, that you may not be seen by they that watch.
Prepare thy props before the blackout, that you will not have to fumble for them in the dark.
Beware of actors when flying in walls, for they will stand and watch and get crushed.
Take not thy cues before their time, but wait for the proper moment to do so.
Take pity on the actors, for in their roles they are as children, and must be led with gentle kindness. Thus, endeavor to speak softly and not in anger.
Listen carefully to the instructions of the director as to how he wants things done, then do it the right way. In the days of thy performing, he will see thy wisdom, give himself the credit, and rejoice.
And above all, do not go overboard with glow tape, or thy stage will look like an airport.
© 1982 Ed Bentley
* A few notes. Volunteers originally read 107's, which were volunteer students from the "Intro to Drama" class. Final Cue originally read Cue 30, which was a number far beyond the end of the play, and signaled time for the techies to meet for a private celebration. Being "six-packed" meant you had to bring a six pack of drinks to the strike party.
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